On Polyamory: part 3 (a variation on part 1)
Maybe it was an auditory hallucination
resulting from my sexual frustration
and wishful imagination, but the moaning and sexual phrases
I thought I heard a neighbor of mine scream
(presumably in the midst of fucking and/or making love)
blazed through nerves
with extreme intensity, like New Year’s Eve and Fourth of July fireworks.
It hurt and disturbed me to want her and want her to want me so badly!
One day, when we were both outside the apartment building
at the same time,
she asked if I thought she played her music
I said “no,” but I wished
I could have spoken my mind, told her what I thought
and said “I find it so hot,”
which, anyway, I realize could have gone awfully awry.
I did wishfully wonder, however: if she wondered
about the sounds traveling from her apartment
to the other apartments around,
and whether the neighbors found the sounds too loud,
then could it have been the case that underneath her question
lay her suggestion
that I mention something other
God, I wanted to be her sex slave!
Which made feel ashamed
and nearly hate myself, thinking I’d betrayed
And I hated fate, too, for making me so sex crazed.
as I thought about it, the shame didn’t seem to make sense.
Why should I feel so uptight and upset
for wishing I could be non-monogamous?
What if my wife and I could transcend
jealousy and possessiveness and other miscellaneous
What if, when it came to the ethics
I was close minded?